Most parents of children happen to use smartphones and tablets as a tool to keep their children busy while preparing dinner, driving or in need of a moment of rest after a day of work and parenting. There is nothing wrong with that: to date there is no scientific evidence to say that the time spent by children in front of the screens is harmful, no matter what people say. However, it can be difficult for a parent to tell their children that they need to stop playing or watching a cartoon on their iPad because they need to eat, do their homework or go to sleep.
The same features that make games on tablets and smartphones attractive – loud sounds, bright colors, interactivity, prizes and scores – make it hard to part with them, because they are rewarding: what goes on in children's brains – like in that of adults in similar cases – it is that dopamine, the neurotransmitter linked to the sensations of pleasure, spreads. Children essentially want to keep doing what they are doing because they are having fun, but unlike adults they are less able to manage their emotions when asked to stop. To help parents, The New York Times spoke to some child psychology experts and put together some tips on how to manage the time children spend in front of screens (including TV screens), to avoid fights and fights.
1. Follow a routine that is known to children
According to clinical psychologist Paul Donahue, if children know from the beginning that they can watch cartoons (or play a video game) only and only while parents are preparing dinner, for example, it is easier for them to willingly accept that at some point the tablet has to be put aside. A rule like “one carton at a time” can be helpful. For a study by the State University of Washington, 28 families with children aged 1 to 5 kept a two-week diary of children's reactions when devices with screens had to be put aside. that when they know from the beginning that at some point it is time to turn off, the children are less annoyed.
2. Plan something fun to do next
Rebecca Rialon Berry, associate professor in New York University's Department of Child Psychiatry, also recommends planning together, parents and children, a fun activity or in any case pleasant to do after putting the tablet aside, like having a snack or going to the park. Children will be less happy to stop playing or watching cartoons if something boring awaits them, such as going to dinner, brushing their teeth or sleeping. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends turning off tablets at least an hour before going to bed: you can try replacing them with a story or some other activity to do together.
3. Come up with rewards
One of the reasons why playing video games is rewarding (even for adults) is that by continuing to play, you get rewards and see your score grow. This same strategy can be used by parents to their advantage: creating a form of reward or scoring to update when a child behaves well, for example putting the tablet aside when asked to do so, can make it more enjoyable and fun.
4. Don't say, “Five more minutes and that's it”
One of the things that emerged from the Washington State University study is that younger children, under 6, do they get very nervous when they are warned that the time to play or watch cartoons is running out. Alexis Hiniker, one of the researchers who led the study, believes that it's because parents often use these kinds of warnings when they're exasperated, and that warnings can be counterproductive when they spark a power struggle – they can basically make children think they can have bargaining margins. Hiniker recommends using the warnings differently by agreeing with the children in advance when they will be given, for example 10 or 5 minutes before the end of their time. You can also use a voice assistant like Siri or Alexa, if you use one, to alert children for you.
5. Don't Stop a Game
It's pretty intuitive: Stopping a game is a great way to start an unpleasant argument. Sometimes it may be necessary, but by following the other tips you can try to prevent this from happening: all video games are divided into levels or missions to be completed, and cartoons also have a specific duration.
6. Disabling autoplay
One of the ways Netflix and YouTube use to hold users back is to start a video immediately after the one you were watching ends. It's a strategy that works well with children, and according to research by Hiniker, it's harder for parents to limit the amount of time their children spend in front of screens when another one pops up at the end of one video.
7. Don't give in
Don't get permissive when children complain a lot in order to continue playing a video game or watching a cartoon, advises Jenny Radesky, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Michigan, one of the authors of the guidelines on the use of digital devices by children of the American Academy of Pediatric. As with many other things, knowing that parents can be persuaded to let their children play a few more minutes will push them to make more and more requests.
8. Don't let them play too little
Nor should you be too rigid and excessively limit the time children can spend playing with a tablet or watching TV. Paul Donahue told The New York Times that children take a while to focus on what they are doing, so they find it frustrating to be able to access a tablet for a short time. Donahue recommends letting them play for at least 30-45 minutes.
9. In extreme cases
If none of these tips work, and children continue to throw a tantrum when it's time to put the tablet away, the first thing to do is try not to lose the patience. If it happens once, the whims can be ignored. If it happens often, however, Donahue advises, it can be useful to make the tablet disappear for a few days: it is a strategy that allows children to understand that the right to play with it is revocable. When you return it, then, you can tell that there will be a trial period to see if they deserve it again.
